So...what now?

I am watching the sun set in the horizon marking the end of another hot August day. I am hardly complaining about the weather though as compared to Philly’s this seems positively balmy. I have been away from Philly for almost a month, though it hardly seems like that. In some ways it feels like the trip never happened, in other ways it feels like it is finally sinking in that I just spent 3 months in the United Sates. As I process my time there I continue to feel the ripple effects in my life. I understand more each day that ministry is not glamorous and that ministry opportunities are as available as opening up my eyes and walking through my bedroom door.

As I see familiar faces again the inevitable question that rises is, "So...what now?" As seems to be the pattern in my life I only have a temporary plan. Originally I was suppose to go back to London, continue working after my three month leave of absence and carry on with the life I had been living in London for the past 4 years. Sometimes things do not always work out the way you expected or counted on, and it is due to those unexpected changes that I am no longer living in London. The job that was supposed to be there when I returned was not, and I moved out of my apartment and did the unexpected. I have moved home. At 24 years of age and after being on my own for over 5 years I am back living in the home that I grew up in with 6 of my 7 siblings. My parents have graciously allowed me to claim my old room and work on finishing up my B.A. in Communications. I have been working part-time on my B.A. for the last few years and now I have the opportunity to finish it up.

As I look towards an uncertain future I am excited by the possibilities that exist. I am learning to live without a 5-year plan, and roll with the punches so to speak. It is a challenging yet invigorating process; tough yet rewarding. For me, it is just another adventure.

The adventure continues.

After a busy week spent with my family and boyfriend running the Vacation Bible School (VBS) program at the church, my time in Philly came to an end. As I spent the weekend celebrating with the VBS children and saying my goodbyes I couldn't help but marvel that an entire three months had flown by. It seemed like just yesterday I was packing up my apartment in London and getting into my little silver Honda to make the 8 hour drive down to Philly. Now just over three months later I was packing up my car at 4:00 am on a Monday morning and heading back to Canada and a new adventure.

It is hard for me to sum up the past three months. I have started writing about it many times, only to find myself staring at a blank sheet of paper with a handful of words on it. I am never quite sure what to tell people when they ask me how it went. Like any ministry experience there were the highs and the lows. There were the days when you were discouraged, homesick and ready to throw in the towel and the moments where something would happen that made everything feel like it was worth it. I had many of those moments throughout the three months. I found that the trip turned out to be more about me and how I needed to change or grow then about changing other people’s lives; and I am okay with that now. I dealt with some very real discouragements, like the programs I started probably will not be continued. I found out that each and every church has their issues, because they are full of sinful people. I also lost a piece of my heart to the children of the inner-city of Philly.

I recently spent a weekend up north with my family at Muskoka Bible Center (MBC). During the evening service the speaker told a story about how when he first became a Christian his church immediately put him in charge of teaching a Sunday school class to children. Being new to church and the Bible he spent countless hours studying and preparing lessons so that he could teach these youth. He never saw any immediate results. Twenty-five years later he and his wife were traveling for a conference in the Middle East. While he was speaking his wife went out sightseeing and happened to visit a school. While there a young woman approached her and asked if she was related to someone by the name of her husband. When his wife confirmed that she had actually married the man this woman told her that she had been in his Sunday school class many years ago and it was his teaching that had so greatly impacted her life. She was now the principal of this school and was using this position as an opportunity to share her faith with the many children she had contact with each day.

As I heard this story tears welled up in my eyes. God is teaching me that you never know what type of impact your life, words or actions may have on others. It is my hope and prayer that the seeds that were planted will bear much fruit.

Lost but not forgotten

The first year my family used our summer vacations to go down to Philly to teach VBS we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. We were just a naive middle class family wanting to make a difference, and we had decided to do it in one of the worst areas in Philadelphia. My dad waved and said hi to drug dealers and believed every sob story someone told him when they asked for money. My mom almost had a panic attack the first time we heard gun shots near the church where we taught VBS, and we all made our share of naive tourist blunders. Yet despite all the “culture shock” we lost a piece of our hearts to the children of southwest Philly.

I will never forget meeting Sinnia and Arianna our first year, partly because they were the only Caucasian children that attended the program and partly because of their sad story. Their dad was a drug addict that the church had tried to help multiple times, but he just couldn't kick the habit. Their mom was an overworked anorexic woman who looked like she was coming unglued. Despite their tough upbringing, these girls were the sweetest most respectful children you could ever meet and we fell in love with them, and they with us.

When I arrived in Philly this April I immediately tried to make contact with them as I really wanted to have them attend the weekend programs. Despite the letters I sent and looking for them, I was unable to locate them. They had moved and their contact information was out of date. I was very disappointed that I was unable to find them.

Tuesday evening as we got ready to start our VBS program for the evening, I walked to the front door of the church to make sure all the children were inside their classrooms. As I rounded the corner an excited Sinnia ran across the room calling "Miss Mary" and giving me a huge hug. My eyes immediately welled up with tears as I bent down to wrap my arms around these precious girls. My heart was overflowing with thanks as I went to kick off the evening. It felt so good to finally have the girls back.

One more sleep.

You know that all consuming excited feeling you get before a big trip; or as a kid before Christmas? That is what I am experiencing right now. I thought it would be a great idea to quickly pass time by sleeping like a normal person, but all I can think about is tomorrow when I get to see my family and the boy again. Suddenly sleep has become impossible.

I am excited about this coming week. We have been gearing up for the week-long VBS program, and I am hoping and praying that many kids are able to attend and be impacted by the event. It is going to be a great way to end my time here, but for now I need to become creative in killing time before the gang arrives. World Cup reruns here I come.

Possible conclusion to an awkward moment?

I have never been a parent, but I can imagine from what I have observed that this role comes with great responsibility and pressure. For Andrew's parents that responsibility caused them to feel that finding a good Christian girl to fix their son was part of their parenting duties. This involvement in their son's life led to the awkward moment I wrote about a few weeks ago where Andrew showed up at Bible study on a Thursday night to check out the girl his parents had picked for him. I realized recently that I never provided the conclusion to this story, and so lest you miss out on my exciting life in ministry; here is the rest of that story.

When Andrew walked into Bible Study a few weeks ago, I was quite in shock. I mean for starters it seemed pretty forward to me that parents would bring their son to Bible study for the sole purpose of meeting a girl they themselves had met briefly. I think what shocked me more was that this 24-year-old boy thought it was a great idea to go to Bible study to meet the girl his parents thought would be perfect for him. I’m pretty sure if my parents made a suggestion along those lines to me, I’d run for the hills. I’ve seen my dad’s picks for me in the past; hello Amish farmers with the personality of a shoe string (nothing against the Amish; or my dad’s taste). Then again, maybe this is how things are done in this strange country called America.

After a very brief introduction to Andrew, and Mama Morton telling me I could in no way escape to my room (she was quite enjoying the situation), I proceeded to politely avoid Andrew for the rest of the evening. I breathed a sigh of relief when his family left and figured that was the end of Andrew.

Unfortunately things in life do not always go according to what seems to make sense. Two weeks later Thursday evening Bible study rolls around, and so does...you guessed it...Andrew. Equipped with black sunglasses and a diamond stud in one ear he sauntered through the door. Now maybe I am a little harsh, but to me wearing your sunglasses in someone’s house after the sun has long gone down is...well, weird. I mean, it is dark outside, unless you’ve gone blind in the past two weeks, I am pretty sure you look out of place and the cool vibe you were probably going for is not really working.

As Bible study ended I busied myself with serving the guests until Andrew cornered me and said “I’ve been waiting to talk to you for two weeks” (insert gagging on my part). I said “Oh”, and awkwardly tried to move on and offer some more refreshments to the rest of the attendees. Apparently my subtle clues were too subtle. After a few awkward conversations that were interrupted many times by the different people there, he managed to give me his number before he left. While I was putting dishes in the dishwasher he said, and I quote “Don’t worry, you don’t have to do anything to earn dinner with me.” I wasn’t really sure how to take that...and I wasn’t about to ask for an explanation.

As soon as everyone had left I sent him a text message to say that I wanted him to know that I had a boyfriend and I wasn’t looking for anything. He texted me back to say “Don’t worry doll, I think you’re really nice and I would love to hang out with you either way.” I’m pretty sure that means he doesn’t care that I have a boyfriend, but I never bothered to find out. Other than a few random text messages since that night, I have yet to see or hear from Andrew, and I’m definitely not complaining.

6 more sleeps...

This past weekend I taught my last Saturday class, and I was the world's best teacher because I brought cupcakes. As I packed away some of my regular curriculum last night it started to hit me that my three months here are coming to an end. I cannot believe how quickly time flies. In six more sleeps my family and boyfriend will arrive to help me pull off a week of VBS with the children, and then two days after they leave I will be pulling out of my Philly driveway and heading back to Canada.

This trip has been nothing that I imagined it would be; both in the good and disappointing ways that it has unfolded. I am excited about the next adventure that waits around the corner, as well as spending next week with my family and boy. Life is good.

Real life disappointments...

During my short visit to Ontario a couple of weeks ago I was asked a particular question multiple times; "So are things in Philly going as good as you say in your writing?" As I thought about my answer to that question, I realized that there are really two parts to it. On the one hand things are going as well as I say. The kids have stolen a piece of my heart, and my favourite part of the week is getting to spend time with them and interact with them (even if they do make me exhausted). The church has been extremely welcoming to me during my time here. I have been inspired by their enthusiasm and grace.

Yet, as with any ministry experience there are disappointments. When I first was talking with Mama Morton about the possibility of moving down here, one of my requests was that this would be more than just a 3 month program where I give up my time and come here to pour into the children's lives. I wanted assurance that the program would continue after I left. The Morton's felt that this would not be an issue, and that I would be starting something that they were planning on continuing to run. After being here for almost three months, I have had to face the fact that this is probably not going to happen. That this project that I have devoted my time to will probably end the moment I leave. This has been a very real disappointment for me, and has in some ways deflated the wind from my sails.

This concern was only highlighted when I was in Ontario; the children's program on Saturday was cancelled due to the holiday; however, I was told that they would have someone to teach the Sunday school class Sunday morning. When I returned I was informed that they were unable to find someone to do that, which just reinforced that it is unlikely that any of the programs I have started will continue.

I say all this to be honest about my struggles here. Sometimes I feel that I have been put on a pedestal because I made a decision to give up three months of my life and give to others. I have realized that you can do a lot of good things with your life, but have the wrong motives thus missing the point entirely. My purpose for this trip was to make a difference in people's lives. God's purpose for this trip I think was to make changes in my own life. This entire process has been God continually pointing out things in my life that need to be changed; attitudes, thoughts, and actions.

So as much as I have been discouraged recently with the fact that what I am doing here may never be continued, I have to remind myself that God is so much bigger then what I can see. I have no idea what seeds have been planted, or what His plan is. I just know that this experience has humbled me into realizing how inadequate and self-centered I really am; and I hope I don't forget that lesson any time soon.